keep digging…

today i live in a place not on a map, its a state like in the USA, but it is a place in the journey of the heart. i call it my melancholy state. i walk walking along this overcrowded sidewalk back from work using my time to dismantle myself, god, life and my emotions all in one stroke…and in the middle of it…i felt a groggy sense of healing come over me…i can’t explain it to be honest. it is as if i have been stripped away from a love i once had and am now over the hump where the pain of the loss is at the forefront, it’s more like i have just walked over that hill and am now in the valley of mourning and healing all at once. how weird is that? like i am being healed. and there is a lot of inner healing that needs to happen, but what i am being healed of now is a mystery. it is something i am unaware of, but yet feel the need that it should go. hard to explain, will keep digging…


deep magic.

i wonder if we are all made to see the good in people. i mean, some believe there is good in all people, i am one of those people. what happens to those people who stop believing, who have become jaded and cynical about the motives of others. what happened to the fact that we have the image of god within. if this is true, no one can be all bad. some can be sold out to evil causes, but, is there a point of no return. we, a people, who like to define everything, sit back in our freudian chairs and wonder if there is…and it is a lot easier to say yes, because if we say no, then that means we each have a responsibility to fight for that good in others and in the world around us and for some even globally. this proverbial battle of good vs. evil has been around before Star Wars or the Matrix, it is a battle we all face everyday. We have battles within that we must draw our swords upon to believe when it is simply unbelievable, to fight when it all seems lost, to be good when it is so much easier to be bad, to fight for truth when the lie is just around the corner. this isn’t some thought on ethics, thats for people who think their degrees will mean something after they die…it is part of the “deep magic” talked of in Narnia, a “truth” that jesus and pilate began the discourse over…good is worthy to be fought for…do you believe that enough to follow through?

the chair.

Brian Mclaren (emergent church guy) recently did a talk about how knowledge has the potential to be abused. he used a chair analogy and said if i were a psychologist (i.e., scientist, mathematician, biologist, pastor and etc) we take our critical assumptions (aka, knowledge) and stand upon our chair and say what is wrong with people and the world around us…and in doing that we make ourselves exempt from the very standards we police. and we create an individualized hierarcy where we become judge, jury and critical executioner of all of those we see and know. we do this with theology and faith, as if we are the ultimate bearers of God’s truth. We look down on other from our chair and critically analyze others by the standards we have come to create through the de-contextualization of scripture, and there is something about Jesus’ words and the log in our own eye. We must come down from the chair and see that the reason we might be up in the chair is to save ourselves from that very critical analysis. it is also a bit like colonial christianity. where we take over a country or a tribe and “civilize” them in the name of Jesus and call it love or the gospel. we think the gospel is all about extracting people out of their contexts and society rather than allowing them to stay how they are (eating certain foods, not wearing clothes, using english, teaching a “correct way” to bible study), rather it is letting God work within their contexts and allowing Him to move when He sees fit rather than colonializing people, it is a sort of cultural genocide that we perpetrate when we take people out of their contexts, culture and society. We must leave our chairs and walk together towards the face of God…

Child Within.

I sat around yesterday watching a huge amount of movies, maybe too much for the human mind to process. but, the rest was needed.

the jews had this knack for believing that everything is connected. yesterday as i sat watching movies there was this theme of “growing up” being a bad thing. how growing up takes the childlikeness away. how our modern day system of getting up going to work and coming home to do it all over again is cyclical death to the soul. i agree. Jesus, the Jewish Rabbi said that the Kingdom of God is for children…the more we give ourselves over to a system of redundancy the more we lose the purity, the more we get used to our surroundings our wide eyes become smaller. In fact, I recently heard that if you watch a Japanese Anime cartoon you will notice the villains have smaller eyes and the good guys have larger ones — this because somewhere along the way, the lost the plot…it became more about their personal survival rather than awe and wonder.  We have things in life, that if we give too much authority too can easily chip away at the child within. We must never lose the child within, we must fight for it. We must realize this is what the kingdom is all about, maintaing a spirit of adventure, a spirit of believing, a spirit of unadulterated trust in our Father and a willingness to take risks no matter if our dignity or friendships  or fears are on the line…Children never stop asking questions…the never stop questioning to the point of annoyance…they wonder, they dream and the enact the impossible…the don’t know much about defeat, they keep going in the face of adversity…the walk and will not grow faint…they are the ambassadors of the Kingdom…the question is, if we have lost that childlikeness, and they are the ambassadors…what does that make us?


I think some English people would agree that  as far as weather is considered, rain is sometimes synonymous with the nature of England. Yet, if you venture here, you will notice a people not moved by a simple thing like rain. Rain is an interesting part of our creation, without it, it would eventually die…rain sustains life. Yet, for most, we stay in from the rain, we hide behind our brick-layered castles living out our lives in the lives of others on a 27″ box. We wait for “better weather” and hope for brighter days. But, like the character on “A Knights’ Tale” we come to discover that we can make our stars. We are not to be hindered by the things or people around us, we fight on, we believe…we battle for our dreams and hearts everyday we choose to get up. But, unfortunately, destiny waits for no one…it invites people to live as they were meant to be and to acknowledge that that is a discovery in and of itself. The rain invites us to live out our everyday irregardless of the obstacles it seems to put on our path. It invites us to see the wet pavement as a path now ready to be treaded upon, rivers ready to be sailed and oceans awaiting its explorers. Rain or bad weather should never stop us from becoming…things or people should never get in the way of us discovering more of who we were meant to be. It is the rain itself that is cleansing and that purifies and washes away the old and ushers in the new, it is the rain we seek, not the bright and blistery sun that dries us out. We seek the rain, the Jews believed God’s voice was in the thunder. That we coud hear what He has to say to us, if we would only but listen. If we would only walk outside and let the rain drench our souls and restore us. If we would only rush outside with open hands for what it has to bring and most of all, listen, listen for the voice in the Thunder…what if God still talks in the Thunder and we have lost the art of listening?