When I started reading Karen Armstrong (The Bible: The Biography) I started doubting everything I believed. Not that she intended that. But it made me think of how we fashion God and how maybe that is what the Jews did. I think I said this part in another post, but Yahweh wasn’t special to them, he was another god in the pantheon of Gods. I do believe in God. But I think I have come to a place where sometimes I question if he is listening anymore? See, the typical answer would be to say ‘yes,her is!’, but to be honest, this is reductionistic. God can’t be bound by our ideas of him. He is not responsible to us, yes, maybe for us, but there is a difference. And what of world poverty, people getting raped, world hunger, road rage, disease, and doctrine and dogma could quite easily fit into those categories. I know I am ranting, but am just sharing. I haven’t done this in a while on here, but wanted to share because I thought it was time and got inspired to. So is God there? sometimes I think he is. other times it seems like he is having a coffee break. but, i think i have fashioned my version of God to assert his presence by “answering prayers” or giving me things is a better way to say it. Prayer wasn’t supposed to be about me getting presents from Santa, it was about connecting with the Divine. Like Phyllis Tickle talks about an old church practice she is bringing back and practices called the divine hours, and I love the idea and I love the church disciplines and I try them and I can’t seem to stick with them, then a part of me feels guilty because then, at times, I think if I do more of these, then maybe Santa God will give me what I want, and than I will know he is there. Like the other day, I tried this Zen meditation trick and ended up getting dizzy. Some might say that is ‘because God didnt want you to do that’, I would disagree with this wholeheartedly, it might be because I could be having an early onset of diabetes or something (I eat a lot of sugary crap day in and day out). But, I think we reduce God to a tyrrant when we think he is making us pay for our sins, which is faulty theology, because the cross took care of everyone. Every one of our sins. I am sometimes disillusioned by all the cliches that are running around through the halls of churches and in Starbucks conversations, the Jews disliked cliches, they thought it limited God. I do too. So, where is the real God, the one behind the cliches?? The one I can find standing waiting to grasp me and hold me and love me for who I am. It seems that because of us (the bible authors included), the God of ‘scripture’ left the building long ago, once we decided to follow a book, some doctrine, dogma and perceptual truth rather than Him. I think words in general tend to be quite reductionistic, even if we have the best of motives. I think my blogpost is reductionist, but I am not claiming a doctrine here. I am just trying to being honest about my journey. I know I am ball of contradictions, I know this all too well. I am fine with them, they make wonderful companions for the journey. one contradiction sits and complains all day. another one, while sipping on a latte, sits and wonders about life, why we’re here, what is love? and who is God? another one, and he is a sarcastic guilt-driven one who thinks life might be about the answers, and tries to argue with me about how we might need some structure to make this all make sense. and then there is this new contradiction who has just turned up on the scene a few years ago….the one willing to ask all the questions, trying to recapture the child within, trying to see God if he is there…and on his terms…i am always fighting me…maybe not now, as I write this…but God is so much more than all of this…I know he is…but I wish I knew where he was, because he isn’t anywhere to be found because I have yet to hear him answer my prayers and give me what I want? God, where are you?