(t)rauma had amnesia…

I guess now it’s time for me to give up
I feel it’s time
Got a picture of you beside me
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup
Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now – Take That

dreams are traumatic. when they fall apart, they don’t remind us of how whole we are, but rather how fragmented we are. trauma to the greeks originated from the idea of a piercing that arrives from the outside (the objective) to the subjective (you and i; experience). in fact all types of idealism are perversions, for they seek to hide our fragmentation and make us seem something we are not and what we think we must be (whole).

again, is this not the current state of the world state?? if a westerner watches a commercial about bloated babies, what is the initial response? (that somehow as a westerner we must do something to ‘help’ (otherwise known as wholeness/idealistic) stop the bloating. it is not that help is wrong, but most of the time it is not about the other, but about the one who helps. which becomes about asserting our western ideology upon another. so to help another in this way is to promote nationalism and nothing else. and the dying dreams we once had never leave.

they remain as ghosts. they resist forgetfulness.

in fact, they remain in our psyche long after they break. they return when we least expect it. is this not what we mean when we use terminology like: ‘when i was younger, i used to be able to (fill in the blank’ or ‘i wish i could go back in time’. in this sense, we are forever trapped in a master-slave dialogue where our memories and losses dictate to us not only our future direction (what decisions we make) but also but the very value of our essence. this also occurs in the perverse gesture of television commercials. the object promises to be something you think you have you lost, to fill it, to cover the very hole that you are. the object assumes you must need it, and it buries itself within your mind only to find another way to show up.

this is repression.

this is another reason why commercials are a narcotic and they keep arriving, one after the other, because if the object before doesnt attract you and remind of your loss, maybe the next one will. and in this is infinity. that somehow trauma never leaves because it is repressed and finds a way to return. the way to break the trauma is to begin to realize the object isnt an object at all, that we don’t need that object (even if the object was a past relationship/love/friendship/parent and etc.) we must be willing to fully mourn the ‘death’ of the status of the object and realize that this object is actually, in reality, subject to us.

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